Thursday, June 20, 2013

Circling the Runway

Holding patterns.


Our lives are circling the airport. It's been two years of circling. We spent one circling cancer. The waiting and being, in the moment, proved grueling and beautiful.

It's been a shocker to find ourselves again in the holding pattern. We got word from the tower on my birthday. Jobs changed and work that was, now does not exist. You know the drill, America, she knows the drill.

Big decisions had to be made and a sacrifice marred red on every one of the pro and con sheets. The question that hung heavy in the tension of our house, Which sacrifice will we make?

We prayed and fasted.

It's a bummer when God speaks clearly but I make it an issue because His words aren't the answer I'm looking for.

There are so many times when I am disappointed with my human response. My head knows how I should behave and yet I throw a temper tantrum.

My temper tantrums fuel the tank to circle longer.

I wish I could tell you that I have that childishness under control, go ahead... let's all have a good belly laugh over the insanity of that statement.

When will I truly mature?

This is not my first time circling the airport. I can say that I have grown some. Previous holding patterns found me withdrawn and sullen. I have remained engaged, personally, with the folks around me.

This just means my tantrums are of a new nature and God and me, we are having to work them out. Thankfully, this God is in for the long haul even when this girl is ready to nose dive in fiery flames.


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